She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
