This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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