apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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