what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
