I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
