Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
