I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
