i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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