what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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