she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
