omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
