i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
