Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
