He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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