Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
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