life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
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