I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
