Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
