took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize