he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
