jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
