apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
one might say we're banned from that church
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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