She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
