I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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