am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
