One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
