Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
