He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
