Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
