Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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