Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
should my penis look like a turkey
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Randomize
