dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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