we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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