So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
