That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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