i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
