4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
