I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
