idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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