i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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