i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
