You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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