Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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