They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
