I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
