Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
