how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
