called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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