I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
So vagazzling was a success
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
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