First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Randomize
