lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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