Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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