I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
