My liver just broke up with me...
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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