I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
