Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
