he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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