did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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