he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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