shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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