I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
