the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Randomize
